What Color Is My Parachute? ROYGBIV!

when i was younger, my mother had a typewriter, it was black with gray keys and very nice. i liked the feeling of the keys pressing up against my fingers as i punched my words into the machine. then we got a computer. that i loved even more, not so much because it did more, but because the keys there clicked and clacked beneath my fingers. the sound made me feel more productive and as if i had typed a lot. i wrote a lot of stories and journal entries on that old computer.

this laptop is not the quietest computer i have ever worked on, but it doesn’t clack. i actually don’t like the silent ones, keys that are soft and cushion the sound of your tapping thoughts. i need to hear my progress, to confirm it auditorily. as a youth, i fancied myself a writer. i looked up to ann m. martin and r. l. stine and read tons of books…and not just for the book it pizzas and stickers. somewhere i still have all the stories i wrote as a child and teenager. i have always said that i would write a story of my life. i have started several times, each time painstakingly starting from the beginning as not to leave anything out. i have always been a very thorough person and i believed my life was lived in detail so it should be told that way.

recently i have written only the beginning of one short story worthy of only literotica’s lot. my zeal and passion for words remains and i wonder perhaps if i avoided the one major at Stanford i should have embraced. all signs have pointed to English as a major for me. my highest grades were either in math or english but i preferred english. i enjoyed the reading assignments, but i more so enjoyed the writing assignments as they gave me a chance to express myself through the perspective of a book. in acadec at judson i wrote an essay for a speech that i have looked back on fondly for years. my college essays were used to inspire several other students, not for plagiarism but for inspiration. while i was at stanford, i took an english class on w.e.b. dubois and got a great grade. i really liked the professor and she always gave me good comments on my work. she even said once that she wished someone from the english department could have swooped me up. at this point, however, i would need at least another year to complete an english major there. and more to the point, i don’t know what i would do with the major.

as it stands, i am an african and african american major. i chose it because i stepped out of economics at the beginning of my junior year and needed something i could finish in the time i had left. luckily, the major consists of courses from various departments such as psychology, sociology, education, philosophy, and so forth. unfortunately, everyone always asks if i am going into teaching or education with the major. frankly, i have no idea what i am going to do once i graduate from stanford. i have mentally tried on all kinds of professions and even have dreamed of a few. the list so far is:

professor

i figure i can be welcomed with open arms to stanford or any school really because i am a black female, not the sole reason but it will help, to teach ….well that would end up being a whole new list. perhaps i could be like a college advisor…..well that’s another profession. already this list is getting longer and i haven’t even really started yet.

teacher

several different ppl have told me over the years that i would make a great teacher and that i work well with kids and i have great energy and patience and presence. i always figured that the red tape and frustrations of school politics would be too much for me like most of my favorite teachers.

psychologist

ever since junior high, i have told ppl that i was going to study psychology and become a child and adolescent psychiatrist…i also thought of doing relationship counseling. i heard once that the profession has the highest suicide rate, i also heard the same about another profession on this list. i bet you can’t guess which one, i think you’ll be surprised.

massage therapist

in productions and during various rehearsals people would frequently give out back massages and kneck rubs. we were all stressed and tense and hey, it was high school so any excuse to feel up on somebody was gold. i was told that i was really good and have continued to get praise from my husband. at one point, my life plan included going to a massage school before college so that i could be licensed and use that as my part time job to pay my way through school. of course, the training costs money and at the time i didn’t even know they had schools for massage here in san antonio. the only one i knew about was in austin. currently i am still thinking about being like a freelance masseuse and going to various offices and buildings and setting up regular appointments with ppl so that they don’t have to leave their office or waste their gas to get to me. i like the idea, it seems easy and enjoyable. i could also sign up to work at a hotel and eventually find myself at a really fancy or exotic one, or even work on a cruise ship! ever since i saw last holiday with queen latifah i thought about working at a ritzy hotel or at a vacation spot and getting the best of both worlds.

school counselor

i get to help kids, i get to work with universities and trade schools and different careers to guide the students. but like being a teacher there is a lot of red tape, paper work, and craziness. but also like a teacher i would have the summers off. eh…

admissions counselor/recruiter

this is one of the professions i had a dream about. i would travel the country, maybe even the world, talking up stanford to tomorrow’s best and brightest. i would answer questions, have a slide show, movie, who knows! i do know that i want to have some kind of san antonio stanford alumni association so that we can network with past, current, and future cardinals. i feel so left out here in san antonio and i don’t feel as though there are any welcoming alumni in town i can network with. you know, go out to lunch, see a movie, talk about profs, dorms, and such.

food critic

i can be a picky eater….actually a particular eater is more accurate. i know how things should generally taste, look, and smell and when i come across something that could be better technically or otherwise i rarely keep quite about it. i am always raving about one product or another for example trident gum. its good for your teeth, sugarless, and has great flavors! i say that to everyone when i am chewing it or happen upon the opportunity in conversation. why not get paid to share my opinion. the only thing is i don’t know if i have to be a former chef or if there is some kind of schooling or something. i am sure there is some training. it does combine writing, eating, and going out so i think that its at the top of the list in terms of popularity.

health inspector

i remember from the movie “deliver us from eva” that the main character seemed like i would have been in life had i continued through college and not been sidetracked with life and marriage. i can be very anal and her job seemed like something i would be good at. i figured i would get to know my city’s dining establishments better and know where to go and where not to go. i am not sure exactly what the credentials or training entail but its on the list nonetheless.

mystery shopper

there are so many scam websites out there about all kinds of things. i heard about mystery shopping, read some article on several websites thats supposed to be from like the new york times or some other reputable newspaper, and have considered the obvious perks of being paid to pursue goods and services. i feel as though i am a good judge of character and have a great eye for details, so this would combine some aspects of health inspector, food critic, massage therapist (traveling and exotic accommodations). the only problem is to get into this profession you have to pay for the different “jobs” or “opportunities”. i am not sure what they are referred to.

financial adviser/financial planner/credit counselor/tax professional/financial literacy advocate

i took a class taught by mary morrison, a financial aid officer at stanford, my freshman year and ever since decided that i wanted to be in control of my money and wanted to help other ppl do the same. i wanted to be educated about budgeting, investments, insurance, estate planning, spending, all of that. since stanford didn’t have an accounting major, i looked at management science and engineering, economics, and some special kind of math major. econ seemed like it had courses closer to what i wanted to do so for a few quarters i pursued it. i thought about becoming tax certified at a local college in palo alto before i graduated so that i could start making money and doing ppl’s taxes. since then, because i have a shroud of doubt hovering over my life i am not sure anymore if i have a passion for wanting to be a ameriprise financial advisor or an h&r block tax person. i did consider being a mary kay financial planner and working specifically with mary kay beauty consultants with budgeting and taxes. of course, it would help if my business was running smoothly but that’s a whole nother blog.

children’s party entertainer

in the twelfth grade and last nov- this feb i worked as a party hero at mr. gatti’s. i always got good surveys, the kids loved me, and i loved being a goof ball. i even used my party skills at two baby showers, both my sisters’, and my friends’ birthday party when she came to use my pool as the location. i mostly used the gift opening bits like pulling out the tissue and tossing it comically in the air with a careless and flippant grace. i would also read all the cards aloud and make various comments about each gift and made sure to say thank you as well as give the birthday person the opportunity to do so. i also basically ran time management on the parties so that they moved forward smoothly so directing everyone to or from the food at the appropriate time, explaining and playing the fun games, and so forth. some ppl specifically asked for me and even asked if i did parties outside of gatti’s. i am sure that i could make an interesting go of it if i would have lots of fun and none of the bad parts of working at gatti’s like closing the rooms. i would have to bus the tables, wipe down the tables and chairs, stack the chairs onto the tables, sweep, mop, squeegie, and then finally hot mop the floors before i could leave. but i was able to keep any cakes that weren’t claimed at the end of the night and grab a few slices of pizza and some watermelons or mac and cheese during my shift. that was great. and of course all the beverages i could drink!

fitness trainer

who doesn’t want to be in the best physical shape their body can be in? i am tired of looking at the result of medications, no exercise, and not enough food to have a nutritious diet. i think that once i get healthy i would love to help others and by helping others it will help keep me healthy. plus i hear they pay great.

story teller

in elementary school we had a story telling club and i was asked to several classes to perform my story, “the old woman and her pig” by rita litzinger. of course, i had already been into acting and reading so the two were a a great backdrop to this. during the beginning of the first year of my sabbatical i looked for a story telling organization here in san antonio. i guess i signed up to receive emails from one group because i do now every once in a while. i thought about putting together a group and traveling to schools all over performing variant stories.

personal assistant

well after watching the secretary what more is there to say.

just kidding. i would like to be like rory on the fifth or sixth season when she got the internship with michum huntzberger at a newspaper. working in an office, answering phones, making travel arrangements, getting lunch, coordinating meetings, stocking supplies, remembering important events and days and gift buying. i wouldn’t want a “devil wears prada” experience or anything but it does seem to have a nice ring to it.

professional organizer

after watching so many episodes of clean sweep, clean house, how clean is your house, and neat, i thought for a brief while that i would want to go into some person’s space and help them move out the clutter and find a new cleaner way to live or work. i once cleaned and organized a slovenly living room for my cousin’s mother when i was about nine. she was amazed to see the carpet hadn’t changed since she had first moved in. after a whole afternoon’s work of folding clothes, matching shoes, and cleaning the carpet and table, she reached into her purse and gave me a quarter. so i knew if i ever did it again, it would not be for the money. i just liked being able to give the space a new lease on existence. i know a few ppl in my family who live in absolute clutter and i can’t see how they do it. my apt isn’t always magazine ready but i don’t have a thick layer of dust on hundreds of obscure knick knacks and doodads or an entire room that no one goes into because its overflowing with broken furniture, old clothes, and God knows what else.

writer

as i mentioned before, i have been writing since i first learned how. i wrote stories for elementary classes, stories for fun, stories for flirting, and stories to sort out my life. i don’t see myself making money from a book, i actually don’t even see myself writing an entire book. i haven’t considered being a journalist and writing articles about rando things. i suppose nowadays there are ppl who are paid for their blogs but certainly nothing is going on in my life enough to warrant a paycheck.

dental hygienist/dentist

for about 6 months during and after my freshman year i had decided to major in human biology, or humbio, and become a dentist. i figured i could make my own hours, be my own boss, help kids learn about taking care of their teeth, and make good money. i really liked going to the dentist as a kid. i liked getting my teeth picked at, it felt good to me. not that i am a sadist and like pain…well to address that accurately would warrant another blog….anyway, i liked the new toothbrush and picking a toy out of the wicker stained chest and the wacky pencils and stickers. i liked the goo i had to sink my teeth into and wait while the suction tube sat in my mouth. i even liked the toys in the waiting room, as simple as they were. being a pediatric dentist seemed like it would be a great job. but, as i started to tell ppl this, they would say that i didn’t seem like the dentist type and that i wouldn’t want to do something like dentistry. i had already chosen the dental school at the uthsc here in san antonio and planned out the tests, funds, and courses. but, after a woman i had just met told me with great seriousness that the believed i was destined for better things i decided to drop the idea. i go back to it sometimes. it was such a neat and tidy path in life. i have always sought the straight and narrow, day to day hum drum. it would have afforded me everything i wanted, an okay house, an okay car, all my bills taken care of, flexible hours, vacations….if there was a way for me to go back to stanford and spend the …i am sure three years it would take for me to cram all the required courses into i would do it and return to my dental path. the dental hygienist job was thrown in because i believe that’s the person that does the cleaning and maybe the x-rays. i wouldn’t have to do any root canals or capping or anything, maybe just assist. cosmetic surgery wouldn’t be for me. i would rather be on the preventative end. i also met a woman at stanford’s multicultural alumni weekend when i was volunteering. she was a black dentist and gave me her card. i even started a stanford pre-dental society on campus but i am not sure what happened to it after i stepped out.

dancer

i wanted to take ballet classes or gymnastics or piano when i was younger but i felt we didn’t as a family have the money to afford such activities so i used public education and all it could offer me to replace those desires. i believe that if i had chosen ballet or gymnastics i would be happier with my body, i would be able to perform like the women on the hanes commercial and that i would be a completely different person. there have been so many movies about ballet and hip hop and ball room dancing and even one recently about gymnastics. step up, shall we dance, stick it, you’ve got served, take the lead, honey, save the last dance, and so on. similar to the fitness trainer idea, i would be in shape and feel my age and feel like the old self i used to be, fun outgoing energetic smiling loving carefree strong independent beautiful force.

so after that little exercise the jobs that truly stuck out to me are as follows with the most popular to me at the top:

dentist
food critic/health inspector
massage therapist
children’s party entertainer
fitness trainer
dancer

chances are, the food critic/health inspector position looks the most likely.

now that I have moved in leaps and bounds, its time to do a little squatting. you see, stephen tells me that i tend to “crap on his dreams” all the time by pointing out how something he wants to do won’t work or how its illogical or poking holes in his ideas or plans.

after perusing superficially for a few moments i can already tell that my first choice might as well be taken off the list. according to eHow website, which provides an article on how to be a food critic:

Realize that being a food critic is usually not a well-paid position, and there are only 30 to 40 such positions in the country.
The idea of being a food critic is much more appealing than actually being one. It’s physically taxing to eat rich food or bad food every day of the week, but it’s required if you’re a professional.
It’s unpleasant to bash restaurants, and it’s even more unpleasant to regularly eat in restaurants that merit bashing.

then, thanks to the dept of labor website, i now know that:

Occupational health and safety specialists and technicians, also known as safety and health practitioners or occupational health and safety inspectors, help prevent harm to workers, property, the environment, and the general public. They promote occupational health and safety within organizations in many ways, such as by advising management on how to increase worker productivity through raising morale and reducing absenteeism, turnover, and equipment downtime while securing savings on insurance premiums, workers’ compensation benefits, and litigation expenses.

neither sounds like what i really want to do after all. i don’t know if i should have let all those ppl deter me from wanting to be a dentist. i am also considering going to grad school and studying psychology. i also very briefly and in a fit of passion contemplated being a sexologist and helping individuals and couples like the dr on discovery health channel. all the ppl i have found who do that have phDs.

i don’t know. the colors of my parachute have swirled together to form a brown worthy of pampers. i have poked so many holes that i fear my fall will not be pleasant when it ends.

maybe i should reconsider being an escort.

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One Response to “What Color Is My Parachute? ROYGBIV!”

  1. Gregory Despain Says:

    Great information! Thanks!

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