Pebbles from the Pond of My Mind

I believe the more experiences and people you seek out the better a mirror you construct within which you can see yourself.

I don’t like the way my thighs rub together when I walk, so I need to ironically walk more to change that.

When you are on the other side of the hill looking back, you don’t think about the classes you got a C on in college or the bills that got you down that one stretch of months, but you think about your experiences and your relationships. That is why we are living. Not to get a job, house, car, and family. When you are lying on your cooling board, do you really think that your transcripts are going to flash before your eyes?

As a woman, all feminism aside, I believe we were made for childbirth, not men. We carry life and bear life in so many ways.

Things no longer fall into my lap as they once did. More and more these days things seem to just fall.

As Monty Python so famously noted, “I’m not dead yet.”

My freshman year, God blessed me with $15,000 in scholarships and grants and Stanford said, “Thank you for paying for room and board, and welcome to college!” So all the hard work and time and effort and energy that I used my senior year in high school went to waste. Stanford is one of the wealthiest universities in the nation, quite possibly in the world. And now I know how they got that way.

Needless to say, I will not be joining the alumni association and giving my money to the university. They already opened the flood gates to incoming freshman, they dont’ need my money, but they want it nonetheless because I guess they think I am trying to cheat them out of my education when in fact it is me who is being swindled into an education. Stupid private schools.

Life is fleeting, hard, unfair, lovely, trying, fun, exhausting, cool, bad, unyielding, vicious, hurtful, hopeful, and a myriad of other things I haven’t even begun to know yet. I encourage all to take advantage of the life that God has blessed you with and no matter what is going on good or otherwise, cherish it because one day will be your last and it will be too late then to grieve over the fact that you never learned French.

what color is my parachute? roygbiv!

i have always been a very thorough person and i believed my life was lived in detail so it should be told that way.

I have decided that I would no longer pursue a guy and instead would let him pursue me. Of course, its a process and I still find myself nudging a few of them along time and again.

After all the guys and mixed signals and unreturned calls, txts, or emails I get a guy that is genuinely smitten with me and I am just not that into him. He calls himself The Mohawk. Isn’t fate cruel?

I have had 2 guys respond to my cl ads, call me and set something up, then fall off the face of the earth. I told my friend down here about it, and I was like, “What happened?” and he goes, “Their wives.”

Until I have a boyfriend, I am going to keep meeting and getting together with guys. Not sleeping around, just hanging out. Why not, free food/movies, and having a guy usually tell me I am beautiful. As long as I don’t get hacked to pieces its a great idea.

He says that he wants to take it easy as friends. Sure, ok, cause when you couldnt’ keep your hands off of me and insisted on me staying despite the all nighter you had in front of you I totally felt that “friend” vibe too.

I can see that my life has started spiraling and nothing ever spirals upward.

As I muster the strength daily to keep my sanity, literally fight my own demons, work my several jobs and keep hope alive that I will one day return to Stanford and finish my degree, floating throughout it all is the sad scent of my situation with Stephen. It seeps into prayers, creeps into brief moments of laughter, hazes over a good book, and wraps around my throat as I sleep alone on the floor every night.



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